The 84th Oscar ceremonies were, as is usual for awards shows these days, a double edged sword.
On the plus side, the majority of the films, performances and technical teams nominated this year were top notch. The one film that seemed out of place was the latest in “The Transformers” series. Sure it had the wow factor and made a ton of money but it's a film based on kids' toys, for crying out loud. Cars that turn into robots. Or vice versa. I can't tell. Nor do I care. I guess it's not as ridiculous as a film like “Super Mario Brothers” which was based on a video game. Give us movie lovers a break, please. “Transformers” didn't win anything and the nominations it got were just a nod to the money it made...and its ability to pull in the lucrative 5~14 year-old male demographic.
The latest exercise in tedium (by that I'm referring to the newest Harry Potter installment) didn't take home any of the three awards it was nominated for, either.
The minus side of the presentation was comprised of the usual misfires. The show was poorly paced and Billy Crystal's ninth (and hopefully final) stint as host was nearly unbearable.
Hank Stuever of “The Washington Post”said, “Crystal seemed to be to be overseeing a cruise ship dinner show designed to appeal to the over-50 travel club. Early on, it hit the rocks and started to list. Almost everyone drowned."
That was a kind way to put it.
The montage scenes need to be permanently banned and there were even more than usual this year. I was singing the montage song from “Southpark” several times. At least that kept me from nodding off.

As always there was the mostly unbearable (unless you're doing some illegal substance or laughing gas) pre-show. Because of the time difference and the fact the show had to be in prime time on the East coast and here in the Midwest, it was rather bizarre to see these denizens of L.A. showing up in extravagant evening wear and jewelry, IN GLARING DAYLIGHT. It was still the afternoon in California.
A newly coined word that makes my skin crawl came about in a segment with the mothers of some of the actors being nominated. These parents were referred to as “mominees.' In my hand-scrawled notes I have written, “Kill me now!”
Hey, if actors can be melodramatic we “little people” have that right, too.

After my eyes stopped glazing over, I had my first good thought since this thing started, I would love to watch the Oscars with writer/director/raconteur John Waters. He revels in this kind of thing and does so with the most wicked of good humor.
There were technical problems (to be continued in the ceremonies, too) but live TV is hard to do, I suppose. I found it sort of ironic in a way, but laughed all the same.
The top moment for me in the pre-show was seeing Rooney Mara (from the American version of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”) looking like, as someone mentioned, “a cross between Audrey Hepburn and punk.” More power to her.
J Lo nearly had a Janet Jackson moment and someone (again, my notes are incomplete) was wearing something so sheer you could see her undergarments. If you're going to go that sheer, go “commando” as well.
I am totally sick of the phrase (reserved for these kind of affairs), “Who are you wearing?” Would “Who designed your dress?,” be too hard to say? Or, more appropriately “WHAT are you wearing and what were you thinking?”
To be fair, many of the actresses (mostly the “older” ones, you know, 30 or above) looked very lovely no matter who they were wearing. Meryl Streep, Glenn Close,
Nick Nolte looked about the same as he did in his mug shot a few years ago. But that's a good look for him (and Gary Busey.)
I somehow missed the Sacha Baron Cohen bit where he spilled “ashes” on Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest claims he had no idea it was going to happen. And he just happened to have a spare tux jacket with him and I have some prime land in Florida I'll sell you CHEAP.
Since my admittedly overwrought death wish didn't materialize (thank you, powers-that-be) I was catapulted into the the belly of the Oscar beast and while I was happy with nearly all of the nominees, I was equally horrified by the execution (that's an appropriate word in more ways than one) of the schlock.

There was an ongoing problem with the audio from the live mics onstage, You'd think a show that was awarding not only artistic but technical achievements would hire competent audio engineers. But as I learned many years ago in the video production business many people simply say, “It's only audio.”)

There are hundreds of places you can go online to find the list of winners so I'll sidestep that here and just hit some personal highlights and low points.

A deep valley was Crystal's now obligatory “spoof” introducing the films nominated for Best Picture. And that was merely the first of many interminable montage scenes.
Later on was the stupefying Cirque Du Soleil acrobats who actually did a routine using wheel chairs. (I think I ask to be killed again at this point...)
Tom Cruise in his “crazy on Oprah's show mode” was the weirdest of the presenters. He was strange, seemed like he was “on something,” self satisfied, unctuous and downright phony. My hope is that if I ever make even one tenth of what Cruise has been paid (less what he gives to the Scientologists) I'll still have the good manners to simply become a hermit. He's truly frightening.
The high point of the side excursions was a spoof on focus groups with Christopher Guest, Catherine O'Hara, Fred Willard, Eugene Levy and Bob Baliban. I'm surprised the Academy signed off on this. Another surprise was the rather risqué routine done by the ensemble female cast of “Bridesmaids.”

Two films I was happy to see get their just deserts were “The Artist” and “Hugo,” both with five Oscars.
“The Artist” is only the second silent movie to win the Best Picture award. The other was “Wings” in 1929. The fact that it is not only (almost entirely) without dialog, it's also a black and white production. That made it even less likely win. Director Michel Hazanavicius won the award for Best Direction and “The Artist” took home honors for Best Actor (Jean Dujardin), Costume Design and Original Score.
“Hugo,” directed by living legend of film Martin Scorsese, won awards for Cinematography, Art Direction, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing and Visual Effects.
Meryl Streep won her third Oscar -she's been nominated 17 times- and as I wrote in my review of “The Iron Lady, she outdid ever herself in that role. There was no possible way she could be denied.
One of the biggest surprises came when Oscar shunning Woody Allen (who never attends these ceremonies) won for Best Original Screenplay for his “Midnight in Paris,” a throwback to the days of his films along the lines of “Crimes and Misdemeanors,” “The Purple Rose of Cairo” and “Radio Days.” Like Scorsese, Allen is one of the best directors working today. Or ever.
There were many other good and bad moments. The tribute to those in the business who passed away last year was moving and even the segment with actors talking about their favorite films was pretty good from a film buff's point of view. Even if it was a bit cloying.
I've been marginally involved in the music “business” since I was 14 and I've watched TV for as long as I can remember. But you'd never catch me viewing The Grammy or The Emmy Awards ceremonies. There's something about the Oscars, though, even with all of its expected faults, laborious self congratulations and overblown production, that still draws me in. It's the power of the movies.
And, you know, I wonder why they don't televise the Nobel Prize ceremonies?
That would grab me, I know. Instead we still have The Daytime Emmys.
YIKES!